Four-month Retrospective

For the past five years, in the first week of December, I log into my email account and find an email from myself, written exactly one year earlier (thanks to the online application FutureMe.org). This year was no different. On December 3, 2013, I was delighted to find a several paragraphs-long email that I had written in 2012, detailing my day to day life (I was working full-time with the King County Department of Community and Human Services) and making speculations as to what the future may hold. At the time, I was toying with the idea of graduate school at the University of Washington, but get this, towards the end of the letter I wrote "I MISS MEXICO. Lord, when will you take me abroad again?" God must have been laughing to himself when I wrote this, knowing full well that a year later I'd be three and a half months into working as the Volunteer Coordinator with Casa de los Angeles.

I am starting to 'get a hang' of things and reaching an equilibrium work-wise. I realized when talking to Laura, one of the Danish volunteers, that the reason I had such a deep crisis with the run of less-than-savory volunteers is that, as with most things in my life, I came into this job with some naive notions of what things were going to be like. Mainly, I assumed that because volunteers were coming to give their time to a charity, spending their own money to travel abroad, that they'd all more or less be 'decent' people. I hadn't accounted for the fact that some of them could possibly be immature, passive aggressive, neurotic, self-important or entitled. Just because these are volunteers, doesn't mean that the Volunteer House is exempt from the shitty-ness inherent in humanity as a whole. This isn't a utopian haven of only generous-hearted saints.

So I'm learning to embrace the ambiguity and lack of resolution in the fact that the Volunteer House will at any one time contain exemplary volunteers (conscientious, kind, go above and beyond), odd volunteers (enigmatic, tough to figure out), rude volunteers (openly selfish, prickly, uncooperative, complaining)--it's basically going to be a macrocosm of the world, morally/character-wise. So for me now, my only hope and expectation is to at any one time have just one, at least one, decent volunteer that will remind me that yes, there are actually altruistic people there... that are sincerely and genuinely altruistic, not just faking it (and are actually kind of nasty deep down, ugh, just terrible).

Another thing I'm learning is that some of the volunteers just aren't going to like me. No matter how much I may try and start conversations, try and be inviting, check-in regarding their experience at the daycare, there will just be something about me that fundamentally turns them off. And I've learned to let that go. I'm done with self-doubt and bending over backwards to please people. If they want to talk poorly about me to other volunteers and be surly toward me, that's whatever, man. Not my problem. I have enough people around me that are 'in my corner,' telling me that I'm doing a good job, that I'm just not going to worry about not being 'everything to everyone.'

I think a really neat part about my work is that through it I gain friends. I was struck today how nice it is to be able to get to know long-term volunteers well enough to the point that it's apparent in our conversations that we genuinely care about each other. You know how in some relationships there's quite a bit of superficiality, in the sense that if you ask a person, 'How are you doing?' and neither the question-asker or the question-answerer care about the answer?--neither person's heart is in it and it's more of a formality, a charade, 'going through the motions.' There's such a stark difference between stilted acquaintances and when there is genuine friendship, as in both parties are actually truly interested in what the other person has to say...

At first it can be hard to meet new volunteers, go through the small talk, and try and intuit whether the volunteer could be a potential friend, or just another person that I'll live with for a few months, they'll leave, and I won't really think about them much again. However, to get to the depth of actual friendship, that's something quite special... to be able to have real conversations about personal observations, reflections, family, friends, growing up... it actually reminds me of when I'm with my cousins, and we can just talk about anything and everything, and it's just so easy! I'm so glad to have met and spent time with Andreas (Denmark), Alice (U.K.), Adi (Israel) and Laura (Denmark). A+ people, all of them.

Thankful to have the opportunity to 'connect' with such outstanding volunteers and human beings. Yes, this job is pretty great. :)

Counting Down

The weather here in San Miguel de Allende has kept me in a strange warped vertigo when it comes to time orientation... I swear to myself it's got to still be August but no, today is the 8th of December, and it's in the low 70s and sunny. Truly amazing.

In less that two weeks I'll be back in Seattle. It's kind of strange! I was walking home from church this afternoon thinking, 'Wow, this is my life now. I'm in the middle of Mexico and this is my life now.' I go to the market to get fruits and vegetables and the guy working there recognizes me now. If I need something, I more or less know where to go to get it, and when I can get it (instead of arriving to a store only to find it closed). I have a weekly routine now; for example, Sundays afternoons are for tidying up my room and cooking a gigantic meal that I'll chip away at all week long until it's gone.

It's just kind of surreal. Mari was right when she told me in September, te acostumbras.

It feels a bit odd to not be with my family in December as everything is ramping up for Christmas. We have our traditions of decorating the house, watching our favorite Christmas films, etc. I asked my mom to send a picture of Fifth Avenue all decked out in lights downtown, because I missed it. Nevertheless, it's good to be here with the volunteers, where we're developing traditions of our own. Myself and another volunteer have put up twinkly lights in our room that blink on and off somewhat haphazardly (what more can you expect for 20 pesos?). I bought some pewter candle holders and cheap tapers (they literally smell like crayons) to serve as an Advent wreath (my Christ candle is currently a tea light--definitely need to work on that). I miraculously found some candy canes at the dollar store in Queretaro, perfect for making peppermint hot chocolate, and my red Glade apple-cinnamon candle smells like Christmas enough...

A bit of ludicrous American commercialism to get into the Christmas spirit.

Tonight is 'cake and ice cream night,' our second in the past month, where we as a group go to the grocery store, pick out a giant cake and a 4 liter tub of ice cream, and bring it home to eat while watching a movie of our choice. Last time it was Mean Girls but we're hoping Elf or Love Actually will be on so that we can really get into the Christmas spirit. If not, though, I'm always down to watch Pacific Rim. ;)

All this to say, life is good. Thanks for reading along.

That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

In the past few weeks, having a few somewhat difficult volunteers that were not here for the right reasons left me a bit disheartened and discouraged about my job. I just could not believe that people would come all the way here to Mexico, and make the whole experience about them, and serving their own needs and expectations, rather than genuinely trying to be of service at the daycare. Too self-absorbed by their own discontent and unhappiness, these volunteers were blind to what a blessing it is to be with the kids, teachers and moms. It was truly disappointing to me.

However, a few bad apples cannot and will not spoil the bunch. I was thoroughly reminded of this yesterday, and it actually almost made me cry... Yesterday was Alice's last day at the daycare, and she's been here almost three months. Long-term volunteers like Alice are able to make deeper and stronger connections with the teachers and kids, really get to know how each of the children act, and start helping intuitively, just jumping in wherever there is a need.

It makes such a difference when volunteers arrive with an open mind, willingness to learn and a generous spirit. Although Alice arrived without knowing any Spanish, she enrolled in hour-long lessons Monday through Friday... Rather than complain about the teachers 'not speaking slowly or clearly' enough for her to understand, or giving up completely in ever being able to communicate and thus be of help in the daycare, she said her lack of language skills just pushed her to 'work harder' to learn Spanish so that she could be more helpful! She even put Post-It notes labeling things in her room in Spanish to expand her vocabulary.

Teachers can really tell a good volunteer from a poor volunteer, especially since over the years nearly 1,500 volunteers have passed on through. And in my short time here, it's the good volunteers that, on their last day, receive cards full of kind words from the teacher they worked closely with. This happened when Andreas left and now with Alice. She had spent the most time in Maestra Diana's class of 2+ year-olds. When I stopped by in the afternoon to snap any last-minute photos of her with the children, she showed me a card from Diana with the kids' hand outlines and a very long, sweet note from Diana, thanking Alice for all her help--that she did a 'noble' work and was great with the kids.

The kicker was when each of the kids got picked up by their mothers and Diana said, 'Go hug Alice; she's going back home now!' The kids immediately responded, running straight towards Alice with their arms wide open and a smile on their face. I could tell how much affection they had for her and she for them.

This was a reminder of the worth and value of this work. When the volunteers have good will and a good heart, it is a true blessing to witness the love shared between them and the staff/children.

"And that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

-Linus Van Pelt, A Charlie Brown Christmas