Could I live without it?

I've been thinking about personal expectations versus reality, and how we run into trouble when they do not match up with each other. God bless the volunteers that come to help out at the daycare, but in the past couple of weeks I've seen a tragic mis-match between expectations and reality, leading to anger and frustration! Volunteers arrive expecting to be the best helpers ever in the classroom (e.g. heroes/saviors), overestimating their skills, and then are disappointed when they feel 'underutilized' because our teachers actually are competent at their jobs? Or they expect everything to be really easy and effortless, when they haven't taken the time to learn Spanish, so they get mad that they can't understand the teachers and kids, or can't express themselves? I dunno, sometimes it just baffles me, but then I have to remember that it's a universal, human thing to have unrealistic expectations.

In moving here to Mexico I think I underestimated the adjustments that I would have to make in living here. I figured that since I was still in North America, basically surrounded by a ton of (retired) Americans, it wouldn't be that much different from being home in the States. And it's been a journey but I'm finally acknowledging that it's a big change, and there are going to be things I'm just going to have to get used to living without, since I'm here instead of there!

I've been thinking about self-deprivation and self-denial a bit...also, delayed gratification. It's been interesting trying to budget here, and I'm doing lots of 'Is it worth it?' calculations every time I go to the store. When I was here three years ago I denied myself a lot of things because I wanted to be frugal. I had a truly terrible diet of cereal for dinner, or maybe scrambled eggs. Granted, I was 20 years old and couldn't cook for sh1t. This time around, I'm allowing myself the luxuries of cooking real meals (chicken teriyaki, spaghetti, curry) with relatively expensive ingredients (mirin, spaghetti sauce, brown rice, sesame oil), but am still trying to be fiscally conservative.

Frugality can get to the point where nearly every decision is rendered an act withholding pleasure (in the form of purchasing nicer things)--and it can almost become a prison or a punishment.

I could attempt to live a 'simple' life in solidarity with my Mexican co-workers, opting for less extravagances as to be more 'authentic' or whatever. But I'm realizing more and more how much class privilege has spoiled me, and how much I have internalized the consumerist values of the United States. I actually do feel unhappy without the 'creature comforts' (and more) that I had back home. Should I feel ashamed about this? I don't know. Should I just suck it up and stop whining like a first-world a-hole? Maybe.

Yesterday I treated myself to four nice things:

1. four pairs of leggings (at 50 pesos each) to keep warm at night (no central heating here),
2. four pairs of long socks (also for the cold), 
3. strawberries (what a treat!) and 
4. pan dulce from the bakery down the street (I usually just try and wait until it's served for breakfast at the daycare). 

The truth is that buying these things for myself notably lifted my mood. So indulging my consumerist shopping withdrawals in 'moderation' has proven quite helpful. I think it will be a constant negotiation from here on our as to whether I can 'live without' something, or if it's worth it to indulge a little, and through that indulgence, enjoy a little bit of happiness, too.